And there it was trapped. Trapped and tangled by the unfortunate events that led it to this place. I looked at amazement as the more it twisted in the unrelenting battering of storm Frank the less it was getting free. It didn’t know it wasn’t the wisest to keep turning and twisting. The more it twisted the tighter it became, what a shame.
We never meant it to get stuck in the tree, but there it was. High up and trapped.
As I looked at the kite that we were having so much fun flying I allowed this moment to slowly show me what I had been feeling like for the last few months. As I watched the circumstances twist and turn the kite, the more trapped it became in the tree. The less free it was.
I hadn’t realised the pace I was living at until that moment. The places emotionally where I had been forced into knots. The more I tried to untangle myself by putting good things in place, to try and ‘manage’ this feeling, navigate my way out but actually I ended up feeling less free.
And then I stopped.
I stopped twisting and turning and in this place of rest I began to unravel. I began to allow the kinks and the coils to naturally unwind. Not easy for someone who was blissfully unaware of what the last few months had drained from me.
This kinda feeling was all brand new, I had been used to over the years the feeling of physical tiredness. As a mum of 5 kids the last 10yrs have seen many a sleepless night and many full on days but this was different. Physical tiredness, I know what to do with that.
I needed time to my head around this one. I was worried.
Would I untangle enough to be free again? To go back to that loving life, irritating passionate me again? To be excited about what God is doing through us and in spite of us. To be able to dance foolishly at the front of church not caring, only praising the One I adored.
I suddenly longed for her to return.
I knew God could intervene in an instant but I knew this needed to be a deep work. A work of the Holy Spirit getting to the core of whatever this was to ensure the healing would be long term and not that quick fix I could usually search frantically for. So……
I pressed pause.
It took a while, a few days to discipline the little twists, the struggling to cease but there it was.
Spending time with those who love me and I them. I took in each moment. Cherished each conversation. I read, played board games, read some more, drank coffee, read a lot more and so the rhythm continued for days. Movies were high on the agenda. Close friends and family were so near and so needed. Still the sound of the Coldplay album will take me back to the chats around the cheeseboard, the glass of whiskey and that bitter sweet nostalgic feeling will surface where I want to go back to the laughter and the tears.
I didn’t look too far ahead. I couldn’t. To be honest I was scared in case I wouldn’t be ready. What if I wasn’t?
It has been good to look back, take stock of what has been. The good times, the wise decisions and the lessons learnt.
I began to ask myself questions again about 2016. These were all questions I began to care about now, these were questions I wanted to seek answers for.
The pace may look slower, new hobbies to embark on and more of being so present in each of the precious people God has placed in our lives.
As far I know, as far as I worked out is that I want to live this crazy adventure of 2016 well, because there are always adventures to be had with The Great I am and if I can look back and know I have done it well and the best I could, then that’s good enough for me.