I am standing at the edge of a very big helter skelter, anticipating the excitement of letting go and beginning the adventure of the ride of the slide. I am at the beginning looking at what is ahead, I can almost feel the physical feeling of the bumps along the way, it will be great and there will be laughter, good times but I know there will also be moments when I wished I was still standing still, where I was still hanging on to the railings. So here I am wanting to let go, wanting the journey to begin but aware it will be over again so quickly but knowing along the way I will have acquired a few more scratches and bruises.
This is the best way I can describe how I feel going into 2015. Ready to go, looking forward to it, ready for the good times ahead but being a bit more real and preparing myself for the journey this time. I want my roots to go even deeper and I want to keep living my life of a wild crazy adventure, not ever settling for comfort or the quiet life. Bringing kingdom to wherever, whoever and whenever my Father tells me to.
2014 taught me a few things, it has taught me well, and I know of course there is still more to learn. 2014 was an amazing year but it had its brutal threads. It was an honour to be in leadership this year, we got to see and be part of life changing, life altering and life transforming events, times like these I never take for granted. There was also loss, loss of those we loved, there was other loss of people leaving the church, this meant loss of friendships. I believe that these voids will always be there, people are hard to replace.
2014 also brought a year of new friendships, new beginnings, snatched times away alone and with others. There were more times of sitting around the table sharing a meal with friends and with our kids, more moments of having a cuppa with people we know well and people we are just getting to know, appreciating times and conversations that don’t happen every day. We got to hear stories of our own kids bringing kingdom into their classrooms, praying outwardly and boldly for their friends who have their own struggles, kids who we could never reach.
I am learning to guard my heart that little bit more but not to shut it down because I have realised that opening my heart will bring the greatest joy. Doing that of course takes discipline, courage and a whole bucket full of determination. This year realising one of my biggest loves collided with what brought me my most pain but knowing that He that is in me is greater than he that is in the world. I have learned to be more secure in who I am, and to spend time with those who bring the best out in me and call me out when things aren’t the way they should be.
So do I have any New Year’s resolutions? Not really. I want to follow after God with a whole heart and not let the foxes in to destroy my security or joy. I want to live a life that is worthy of this calling. Take risks, be willing and to be open to whatever is next. Being quick to forgive, slow to anger and love at all times. Realising the cost of leadership is one that maybe is one I will never understand but then why should I.
“Jesus had no romantic notion of the cost of discipleship. He knew that following Him was as unsentimental as duty, demanding as love. He knew that physical pain, the loss of loved ones, failure, loneliness, rejection, abandonment and betrayal would sap our spirits; that the day would come when faith would no longer drive, reassurance, or comfort; that prayer would lack any sense of reality or progress; that we would echo the cry of Teresa of Avila “Lord, if this is the way you treat your friends, no wonder you have so few” Ragamuffin gospel
I’m going to make 2015 count. I’m going to not settle for the status quo but I am going to take risks on the most risky. I want to be outside with the misfits and dreamers. I am going to show and tell my kids every day I love them and I’m going to show them that when God calls you to Himself it will be the best, most greatest, most craziest adventure they will ever take.
Glen got me this print for Christmas and I have put in my kitchen because I am going to look at it every day and remind myself of where I want to be, to try everyday to live a life that I knew I have wanted to live since I gave my heart to the great I AM.
Make 2015 count.