Or is it?
Today I had one of those moments where I was watching the kids play in the paddling pool and listening to them all laughing and having a right good time where I felt ‘yes indeed this is perfect!’ It was an ‘instagram’ moment. One of those pictures that portrays the perfect family having fun in the sun…What the picture didn’t say was (I didn’t take it in the end) was that Jessie and I had a stand up row the minute before that about sun cream, I had just done not 2 but 4 stressful school runs, Seth had cried himself to sleep and I had a happy meal in Mcdonalds for my lunch! Today I felt dog tired, lonely, weepy, stressed and that photo would have told the opposite. Herein lies one of the dangers about social media is that you can control how you and your life are portrayed. That picture perfect moment…. Or is it?
I read an amazing and actually quite life changing book recently ‘Hungry for more of Jesus’ by David Wilkerson and there was one particular chapter that talked about the God of Hope. It struck a chord.
Like the interview with Justin Welby from the HTB conference this year. It struck a chord.
For me every day there is a battle within me to be ‘perfect’ (to be the perfect wife, mum, daughter, sister……to have the perfect house etc……the list goes on… some days I am constantly comparing myself to the next person wanting to say and do the perfect thing, pray the perfect prayer, have the perfect kids… but I realize it really isn’t about me at all…. I am and never will be perfect! And actually God doesn’t want me to have it all worked out, sewn together because actually God uses His imperfect people to show He is a perfect God.
For me the closer I get to Jesus the battles are still there within me but the easier they are to fight, the easier they are to accept and know that actually this life covered in its imperfections are all about the One who came to give me life to the full..
I don’t want to actions of others or if someone lets me down to change my trust in God. I want my confidence and my trust to be in God. I want my kids to grow up knowing that perfection never has to be achieved or needed in our house but trusting that when we get it wrong that there is hope, love, forgiveness and grace all the time, everyday!
To be honest at this stage in my life, in the church, in my marriage, in my kids I am not sure how I would do this without God. Because I am messed up, inside out and a back to front sort of person! Every day I take up my cross and follow Him daily. I love my life but know that only by Gods grace that we are where we are.
It is a privilege and an honour to walk through life with the people around us. To be in their lives, to hear their stories, their fears, their joys, their sorrows and to be there when life as it does sometimes hit the fan! But to be honest when it all comes down to it I am neither flattered nor fooled… nor do I want to brag or boast because I know that God is good and I know for us God uses us only in spite for ourselves.
I come with an empty hand and a full heart to some situations and when I trust in the Holy Spirit He tells me what to say and when to say it.
I want to walk with integrity and let my yes be yes and my no be no…. I don’t want to change like shifting sand. The battles may still be there but I know God is renewing my mind every day and hopefully by His grace I will love and be loved because……..
Everything is not perfect…..